This existential crisis

This entry may not be what this blog is designed for, but as I had intended to write something philosophy-related, each day, then the partial failure has already occurred.

With that being said, I have come undone.

In an effort to reduce complacency in my life, I began a regimen to reduce idle time and increase writing time. This also means abstaining from inebriation on weekdays and setting aside, each day, time to write. The problem that I am now faced with is that my objective has not become clearer, the path no better defined. In fact, I am now faced with a real and true existential crisis that must have always been there, hiding under Xbox games, marijuana and hangovers.

I can honestly say that I do not know what it is that I am to offer this world. What am I to do with this life of mine?

Sure, I know of many things which are clearly wrong with the world. Terrible aspects of this global community that seem to shine as bright as the Sun, yet receive the attention of a single point of light amid the clutter of stars moving in the night sky.

My pie in the sky dream was to somehow point to that problem. But there exists no one problem; one cannot point to a singular issue that exists to undermine the progress of the human race. It’s very easy to say that it is a cabal of multinational money-movers and power brokers, but it is not easy to live with the cognitive dissonance which comes along with believing that powers so different, culturally, could be working together to suppress true democratic progress (not to be confused with American democracy), here on planet Earth. It’s just not probable.

So I am presented with the problem of my own mortality. If I am to have an impact on this world then I must do so sooner rather than later and I must use the tools that I currently have to make these problems known. And if I cannot do these things, wouldn’t it make more sense to just integrate into the system and enjoy the fruits of life that living in my part of the world , at this point in time, allow me?

I once said that I would not live in this world as my father before me did, only to have a child and say onto him/her that this world is in chaos and since I could not fix it , that it is up to him/her to fix. It should be quite obvious that if I was unable to impose any change (impose is a terrible word) onto this world, why should I expect my children to?

I do not know what it is that I am supposed to be doing.

I do not know how it is that I feel.

I do not know what it is that I want.

I do not know.

Now, for the sake of the continuity of this blog and of course its purpose, I should pose a question and perhaps try to solve it. Something still based philosophically (whatever that means).


Are natural systems of order able to propel mankind into a peaceful, space-faring existence or does such an endeavor require artificial systems that see many people subjugated and killed for the sake of security, productivity and stability?

Well, if I can try to answer my own question… let us look upon the ants. Ants have no intellectual elites. They have only queens, workers and fighters. They are born into these roles and function as a team. And they function quite well too.


If we could live as the ants do, we would probably have a chance at having a technologically advanced society that has tendrils reaching far out into space. But then what of freedom? Perhaps freedom is something  that can only exist within the individual at the cost of the collective. I cannot say for sure, but I think I once read that when an ant decides to do whatever it wants, instead of work constructive to the whole, is attacked by the other ants.

So a natural or an artificial system? Which is better? Well natural seems good, but that probably would mean something closer to a hunter-gatherer lifestyle. And that would be good and well for as long as the planet is here. When the Sun gets to old and gobbles us up on the rock we chose not to leave, the shortcomings in that regard become quite apparent.

Maybe I’m just too idealistic. Maybe I have no real reason, beyond being exposed to the trauma of 9/11 (and countless other horrible incidents perpetrated by groups and governments) to blindly fight for the acquisition of wealth, anymore. And that’s too bad because I think I’m a pretty clever person. Maybe I will happen upon an organization that will allow me to feed and house myself as well as offer some sort of positive change for humanity.


Thanks for reading

About Ossington

I often think but seldom share these thoughts. And if the product of my thinking is to affect anything but my own sense of satisfaction, then surely it must be shared. Here you may try to know what I believe to know.
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1 Response to This existential crisis

  1. Derek says:

    Just a recommendation, but if you are interested in the idea of an ant-like form applied to human society, read Thomas More’s Utopia. As I read it, I actually had this explicit thought “these people, for all of their order, would never in a million years develop space travel”.

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